by Siobhan Knight
14 Jun 2012 18:42 (updated 14 Jun 2012 18:42) | 0 comment(s)
Jenna would kill me if she knew about this.
I know, I should have blocked his number or not answered the phone or just ignored his texts. All I had to do was hit delete and just been done with it.
I'm being one of those stupid, simpering females and I know that I am. He hurt me once, but it doesn't mean that I'm going to let him hurt me again.
It just started as innocent text. He said hi and I said hi back. No reason to be rude, when I've been the bigger person this whole time right?
Now he wants to see me. Just to talk and clear the air. I've been staring at the message for an hour, and haven't answered him yet.
Do I want to meet with him? Stupid question. Yes, I want to meet with him. I want to talk to him because he was the first guy (outside of Harper, and I'm not even going there) who meant something to me and the first relationship that lasted and mattered.
Should I meet with him? Probably not, but it's been more than a year and maybe he's changed. Maybe he really just wants to clear the air.
Maybe pigs will fly too, I know.
I have a book in my bedroom. I snuck up to the attic the night before last night and got into Dad's old steam trunk. It has ll the stuff from Australia that he didn't get rid of, but doesn't use, and some stuff of Mom's too that she doesn't think we're ready for yet. Grimoires, pictures, a few items that I could feel have magic on them, but I couldn't tell what kind. I felt like I was fifteen again and just learning my craft, and was scared that at any minute my parents would find me.
But they didn't, so I took two of the grimoires back to my bedroom and stashed them in the back of the closet. After I looked through them. I didn't have a lot of time, but they looked interesting enough.
There was a calming spell in one of them. Well, a clarity spell either. A bit higher up on the ladder than a calming spell, but I'm thinking it might be what I need. I'm going to study it, and cast it before we go out on Saturday. That's when I'll need clarity the most.
I'm doubting myself and I hate it when I doubt myself. But … I can't read Quintin. One thing I'm usually good at is reading the interest signals, though it's hard to do without body language to go with it. When we met him I was convinced he liked Jenna; I'm still 80% convinced of it, but it's that extra 20% that's throwing me off.
What's with that anyway? We've never crushed on the same guy before. I shouldn't even care. I've never cared before.
So, clarity. I need to 'see clearly' as the spell says. At least then I'll know, right? If he likes Jenna, then fine, I'll deal. And if Harper is there, I'll know about him too.
I've never done this before. Practiced magic without telling my parents, or Chris or even Jenna. This is something I need to do on my own.
I'm also going to see Jesse. This same weekend when I cast the spell. I have no idea what I'll tell Mom or Dad … or Jen. Mom will get all excited because I'm "dating" again and Jen … Jen will kill me.
I'll figure it out. I'll figure it all out somehow.
