Werewolf in... the kitchen

by Quin
02 Jul 2012 18:45 (updated 02 Jul 2012 18:45) | 0 comment(s)

Today is the day that we sacrifice our kitchen to the almighty Jenna.

Okay, okay. So I don't think it's going to be that bad. I'm pretty confident that she's just talking herself down to either get out of it, or have me be pleasantly surprised. I eat almost everything so I don't have to worry about the latter. She seems to be looking forward to it, I think. I'm probably looking too far into it.

I'm starting to lose track of the amount of people lately who accuse me of internalizing too much or not being overly forward with my responses. Well, duh. That has been my trademark since practically the day I was born. I get the feeling that they all blame it on what happened with my family. Don't get me wrong; that's part of it. But I've always been this way. Not that anyone I know now I knew back then.

So I told Chance about Mikayla over a drink the other night. I somehow get the feeling that to him, seeing a random naked girl means I should have taken advantage of the situation (not of her). He has no idea what it feels like when I run across another of my own, let alone when they actually are pretty. It's not me though. I think I'd much rather he be clothed than I would even consider anything else.

I'm glad I ran into her when I did. I want to go take her up on the offer for some sort of ointment to help my scar. I know it won't work miracles but even if it does something it's better than nothing. I have to hold out until the end of the week, or next week though. I have to.

The full moon is tomorrow night. I go through the same thing every month; you'd think I'd be used to it by now. I get so anxious, so agitated. The anger flares, the temper, the… hormones. It is a little different this time, but I fully believe it's because of this charm that Siobhan was nice enough to make for me. Still, it's only going to do so much. I keep trying to stay active, to preoccupy myself.

Jenna's coming over.

It'll be difficult but I'll put on the best face. I can make it to tomorrow, I know I can. Then I'll quietly slip away and no one will know.

The Holiday is on Wednesday.

I'll be spending time with the group. On a boat. Having been up all night doing I have no idea what. Chance is aware, and I've already let Shiv know, too. I don't know what I'll be like but it'll be good to have those who know, actually know. I really hope I don't do anything stupid.

It's been a little while since I've been around anyone but Chance. If I were a gambling man, I'd put money on Harper and Shiv getting closer. Or that's what I'd want to happen, anyway. I don't know. Ever since I've been wearing this charm I feel like I'm closer to her. That I can open up to her. My immediate response is to hate it, but I know that's not the smart way to think. That it isn't how I actually think, but some sort of defense mechanism. I simply is friendship, nothing more, but that doesn't mean that I don't want the best for her. I think that is Harper.

Part of me has this feeling that Chance and Jenna will be getting together. Chance might say it's the negative side to me. He may be right. Something's going on there. I don't know how she felt when she found out that we're actually roommates, but there almost seemed to be reservations about coming over due to it. She says she doesn't want an audience. I'm skeptical.

Hell, I'm always skeptical. Which needs to stop. I can't even figure out what I want to do with my life. I shouldn't be trying to figure out the lives of everyone else.

Coach is still trying to encourage me to consider going pro. I'm being scouted. I know I'm being scouted. Hell, I watch ESPN. I know what's said about me. Part of me would feel so guilty playing the system, so to speak, but then I ask myself: How many people in the pros are like me? It could be that I'm not alone.

In theory I could still work for what I want in the off-season. There's nothing saying that I can't still do everything I want. It just is a completely different avenue than I had originally mentioned.

I'm proud of what I want to accomplish in life. I haven't mentioned it to the girls yet. They seem to be set on more in their lives. It seems weak in comparison. But I'm not ashamed. I just might be proud in silence. The whole internalizing thing that I'm guilty of.

There's no guarantee that I'll actually make it to or in the pros anyway. I don't see what harm there is in trying.

Life was simpler when I was just a spoiled rotten child with a horrible temper and father issues.

I should probably finish cleaning up since Jenna will be here before long. Not that I haven't cleaned everything multiple times anyway.


Add a New Comment
Unless otherwise stated, the content of this page is licensed under Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike 3.0 License